Some Quantum Woo for your Inner Soul

As we mosey through our insignificant little lives, we try to find a bit of meaning therein. Some people find it through the connections and relationships they cherish. Some through religion, community or career. And then there are those who discover meaning and joy in selling useless crap to gullible folks. The lovely webmasters at Inner Soul Technologies have certainly gone that route. I've been to several trade shows and Mind, Body, Wallet Expos and there are always plenty of purveyors of woo but one thing I noticed about them when we chat is that most of them seem to truly believe that what they are selling actually does what is claimed. A very nice and verbose magnetic jewelry hawker went on and on about the benefits of magnets. I imagine he must be the healthiest person in the world being surrounded with that much magnetism all day long! One lady at an expo enthusiastically waved her pyramid around my friend and aligned her chakras with great sincerity.

I shall not give the same courtesy to the sellers at Inner Soul however and after I share with you some of their products, I'm sure you will agree with me. Even at first blush, the crazy leaps off the screen as you read what they are all about:

"A Human Being is composed not only as a biological physical being, it is also composed of many intricate energy grids that transform, regulate and provide the essential life energy force needed for your personal existence.

Through many years of research and utilizing new visionary processes we have been able to produce a line of products that literally taps directly into the "Quantum Nano Potential of the Universe." Limited only by our imaginations and through our unique technology, we have developed a wide range of break-through products to enhance and enrich our lives, through a process called "Quantum Nano Technology.""

And there are the two biggest woo buzz words that make my head explode every time they are uttered out of sheer ignorance. "Energy" and "Quantum". Apparently if you add the word "Quantum" to woo it makes it sound so scientific that you picture the speaker wearing a lab coat. It's sort of like how adding the words "OF DOOM" at the end of anything will make it sound more ominous.

"Awwwww......look at the cute little puppy......OF DOOM!" Try it, it totally works.

So where to start? Ah yes. They have their version of the ion bracelet too but this ain't no Q-Ray crap. Oh no! This bracelet will turn you into a GOD! Their Bio-Infinity bracelet alleviates, strengthens, improves and helps damn near everything you can think of. It has not just one or two but eight, you heard me, EIGHT diodes. Including negative ion, organic germanium, rare earth magnet, far infrared and "crystals on the Front of the Bracelet are holographically tuned and embedded with specific and proprietary energies sequences and information." I didn't even make that last part up.

I imagine you feel like this the instant you put it on.

Then there's the Advanced Quantum Manifestation Plate. I was at an expo which had their booth and saw these "plates" first hand. They were nothing more than pretty pictures mounted onto a piece of foam core. This one looks similar but with some fancy knobs added for effect. But this plate is special because it will manifest ANYTHING you want. For realsies. I think the first thing I'll manifest is Nathan Fillion in my living room. They have this very sage caveat however so we musn't poke fun: "This is not a toy or a gimmick, and not ought to be treated as such. Please treat this device with respect as it holds gateways to very power dimensions of existence that lie within each and everyone of us."

Ooooo....A desire pad. 

I am saving the best and nuttiest (yes, it gets nuttier) for last. The Super Fruits & Veggies Water Energizer is a little vial full of water and those teeny cheap glass beads you get at the dollar store. Oh oops, I mean it "contains an exclusive make up of special ingredients, that delivers the Energetic Energy Grid Essence of over 150 Organic Fruits, Vegetables, Nuts, Grains and Beans, directly into your drinking or bath water!" I'm not entirely sure why one would want to bath in over 150 fruits and veggies but it's apparently a good thing. But turning your drinking water into all that good stuff sure sounds fantastic. Imagine all the time I would save by not having to eat all that pesky food. There's a very scientific looking video on the website with little spinning glowy balls of light and everything. Now you don't actually pour the contents of the vial into the water. No, that would be silly. You simply place the entire closed vial in your bath or drinking water and that way it can be used over and over again. Well that makes more sense! And at $69.99 a vial, it sure saves on the ol' pocketbook.

Aaaahhhh.....fruit bath....

They have more quantum things for sale that you can peruse at your leisure. If you feel the urge to throw your computer out the window just take a deep breath and remember that karma will bite them in the ass in their next lives. Okay, so it won't and they are likely rich bastards stealing buttloads of money from the less than critical thinkers, but it's a nice thought.

Now to be fair, I shall point out the disclaimer that they were no doubt forced to publish. But it is there nonetheless.

"Our products and provided information is not intended to diagnose, cure, treat any illness, symptom or condition. Our products are tools intended to assist you in your own personal journey into self exploration.
Inner Soul Technologies Products have not been evaluated by the FDA or Health Canada.
The information found on our Websites and Products is for your own reference and educational purposes only. Do not use our products for treatment of medical conditions or replacement for a consultation with your health practitioner."

And in a little box they encourage people to "do their own research and due diligence, to evaluate what is true, useful and beneficial to your overall well being".

Yes people, PLEASE DO!