I shall dedicate my continuing pseudomedical Cracked series to my dear, sweet, sexy man.
But surely the ITAG has done testing to prove their theories? You ask. Of course they have! I answer. They studied 15 volunteers who were trepanned by surgeons. But sadly, the results of said testing was inconclusive because:
"The MRI methods used were not sufficient to show any changes in blood flow and we discontinued the pilot study until such a time that the methods of observing any changes produced could be improved."
5. QuWave Defender
It's okay, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you. I'm here to help. I know you are a targeted individual suffering from electronic harassment, psychotronic, and psychic attacks. You are not alone. There is hope! For over 60 years targeted individuals (TIs) such as yourself have been trying to escape mind control torture. That's right...TORTURE! These mind control torturers use psychotronic weapons just to mess you up. These weapons are designed to leave you feeling stressed out, disoriented,
drowsy, helpless, and paranoid. Yes, because THEY have nothing better to do with their time and money except to make you feel like shit.
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| Celebrating 60 years of fucking with your mind |
The good folks at QuWave have the solution for you! The QuWave Defender uses BOTH scalar and Solfeggio energies to not only thwart those nasty psychic attackers but to also help you feel great while doing so. For only $297 you can get a stylish personal defender that when worn, actually beams waves directly into your brain and converts electronic
and psychic attacks to positive energy which strengthens the human bio-field. And, let's face it, who doesn't want to strengthen their bio-field?
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| Goes equally well with jeans or your favorite evening gown |
Need more protection? No worries, there is also the tabletop version for only $499 which is 100 times more powerful because it's bigger and has gold on it and stuff. It has a 100 foot range and can even go under your bed at night for a peaceful, non mind controlled sleep. This unit also helps for those in high EMF areas, because we all know how much those nasty EMFs mess people up.
Um wait. Just ignore everything you just read and if you are hearing voices in your head. GO SEE A DOCTOR!
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| What's that? Go have a triple fudge sundae with the works? Oh, okay. |
6. Trepanning
You know when something goes wrong and you trot out that old saying "I need this like I need a hole in my head"? Well, as it turns out, YOU DO! That's right, all that stands in your way to true enlightenment is a drill, a hole saw bit and lots of plastic sheeting. It's simple really, all you need to do is cut out a chunk of your skull and then let your scalp heal over the hole. This particular brand of nuttiness is called trepanation and is the oldest surgical procedure known to humans dating back 40,000 years, has been used for unknown therapeutic or surgical purposes and was even thought to be used as a way to release demons.
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| Free haircut!? I'm in. |
Sometimes doctors actually do need to cut a chunk of your skull out. But that is only if you have a brain injury resulting in bleeding or swelling that needs to be relieved. But there are those out there like the folks at the International Trepanation Advocacy Group who think you should drill holes in your head because they seem to think that the nice large chunk of bone protecting your brain is actually preventing you from being all you can be. Back in the sixties a kicked out of medical school winner by the name of Bart Huges got high one day and decided that the expansion of consciousness associated with
hallucinogens resulted from an increased volume of blood in the brain. So then it would just naturally follow that if one were to cut out a chunk out of one's skull, then one would allow an even larger volume of blood to enter the brain. He somehow convinced others of this cockamamie conclusion and hence the modern era of trepanning was born. The claimed benefits of giving yourself a blowhole are many:
- Relief from anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders
- Feelings of freedom and serenity
- A richer emotional life
- Greater ability to recall dreams on awaking
- Decrease in frequency and severity of chronic headaches
- Higher energy levels
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| Handy for higher consciousness AND and place to keep loose change |
But surely the ITAG has done testing to prove their theories? You ask. Of course they have! I answer. They studied 15 volunteers who were trepanned by surgeons. But sadly, the results of said testing was inconclusive because:
"The MRI methods used were not sufficient to show any changes in blood flow and we discontinued the pilot study until such a time that the methods of observing any changes produced could be improved."
So it's not that trepanning doesn't work, it's just that the equipment we have to test if it works doesn't exist yet. Okie dokie. Gotcha.
Comments
Aside from that, you will have to elaborate on your comment due to it not making a lick of sense.