Skip to main content

Posts

Chakras, Energy and Reflexology. Oh My!

My upper back, neck, and shoulders have been a bundle of knots for as long as I can remember. I’ve learned to live with the constant dull ache. Lately they have been somewhat more tense and achy though. Probably from the lack of movement due to my unemployed, lazy ass firmly planted on the couch and binge watching Netflix. I decided I really need a massage. But the aforementioned unemployment doesn’t afford one’s life with such luxuries. So I turned to the god of online couponing that is Groupon. What’s this? A 60 minute Energetic Massage for only $38? Sign me up! Now the word energetic should have raised a red flag but I, apparently not in possession of all my skeptical faculties, took that word to mean the dictionary definition: adjective1. possessing or exhibiting energy, especially in abundance; vigorous 2. powerful in action or effect; effective
Exactly what I need. Someone full of vim and vigor to get right in there with gusto to grind those knots into oblivion. Shhhh. Don’t judge…
Recent posts

In Defence of Firefly, and Rapists, Apparently

In case you hadn't noticed, Joss Whedon has been all over the Internet lately. He has been torn to shreds by the easily offended brigade who have been taking to Twitter in droves to spew their 140 characters of vitriol all over the unsuspecting Whedon. His offence? He did not portray the character of Black Widow/Natasha Romonav in the second Avengers installment exactly in the way that they wanted him to. He is now branded a misogynist, a label easily thrown about by those who flip their shit when a woman says anything related to being a woman in a movie. I won't go into detail here as to what the fuss is all about as that is easily found everywhere else and is not the purpose of this post.
I am a huge fan of Whedon's work. I enjoyed "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and it's spin-off "Angel." I even liked the short-lived "Dollhouse" series. "The Cabin in the Woods" was one of most delightfully bizzare things I've ever seen. I have…

Watch me Overdose!

Hidey ho blog peeps. Today you get to watch me swallow an entire bottle of pills. Here is the video link where you get to see me do just that. But don't worry, if you are reading this, then I am very much alive and well. This will be my first foray into the world of video and the evil land that is YouTube comments. It's pretty rough. So please. Be gentle.

Of course, I'm not going to be gobbling down just any ol' bottle of medicine. I've purchased a bottle of homeopathic medicine. Calms Forté to be exact. This is a sleep aid so I am assuming that after taking the entire bottle, I should be really sleepy. I am, however, typing these words about five hours after my "overdose" and have yet to experience even so much as a yawn. But according to the website, I should not find this unusual. The curious part about this "sleep aid" is that they claim on their FAQ page that "Hyland’s Calms Forté is not a sedative."

NOT A SEDATIVE? WTF?

So a few …

Old, Bad Ideas and SEX!

One of the arguments I often hear from the pro-woo crowd to promote practices such as acupuncture or homeopathy or even keeping prayer in public schools is "people have being been doing it for hundreds of years so it must be right!" This is a fallacy known as the "appeal to tradition/antiquity" which basically says that if it's old, it's gold. Not so. And I intend to prove precisely how much it's not so by highlighting some nonsensical medical practices us silly humans thought were a good idea once upon a time. Any idea can be a bad idea, whether it's a new one or an old one. How long it's been around has no bearing on it's factual or scientific merit. Most of the ideas I'll be writing about failed miserably but some brought us enlightenment in a way that only failure can bring. But the point is that we figured out that the way things were being done was wrong and we changed it. Sadly, some ideas would take much death and time to figure…

Babies Attached to Rotting Meat

So you went and got yourself knocked up and here it is nine months later and the labour pains are so excruciating that you actually wish your belly would just explode and be done with it. But because you are one with the Goddess of the Earth and just know that all western medicine is evil, you have decided to give birth in the comfort of your own home. Away from all those traumatizing bright lights and cold sterile conditions full of pill pushing doctors who just want to drug you up for profit. You know exactly how it will go: You will get cozy in your blow up kiddy pool full of warm water, the new age music in the background comforting you. Your jolly midwife telling you to breathe deep and the doting baby father caressing your cheek. You will squeeze out a beautiful, healthy baby with no problems. Angels will appear singing Halleluiah and a fawn will trot out of your kitchen and gently lick the newborn goo off your sweetly cooing prodigy nestled in the arms of Mother Nature.


After…

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Dolphins are adorable. There is no denying that. The permanent smile on their faces just makes you want to grin until your cheeks ache. Their sweet, playful nature can melt the heart of even the scariest and meanest of folks. You may have heard that dolphins are one of the few species aside from humans who will have sex for pleasure. But you probably haven't heard that when the guys are feeling a little frisky, they will chose a female from the pod, isolate her and repeatedly gang rape the shit out of her for days. If she decides she's not into the whoopee making, they will chase her down and beat her into compliance. Of course, given this kind of sexually deviant behavior, it's no surprise that the dolphin community is rife with STDs. Did I mention that they also enjoy participating in orgies including the bisexual and homosexual kind?


Those cute little buggers are scary smart too. They can be trained to do damn near anything including such awesomeness as finding undersea…

All About Parasites

There are plenty of examples in the world that one could use as mighty fine reasons why intelligent design is a load of bunk. Your appendix, mosquitoes, Honey Boo Boo. Then there are parasites. I can't think of a good reason to create these paragons of ickiness except to give us just one more reason to look up gross things on the Internet to say ew about and make our skin crawl. There are some great ones in the animal kingdom that are just too bat shit crazy for words.

An unsuspecting grasshopper could drink some bad water and get himself infected with a horsehair worm which will begin to busily grow inside him (up to a foot long!) until the worm decides he wants out. But he needs to live in water and since grasshoppers aren't fond of swimming the worm simply takes control of the grasshopper's brain, marches him to the nearest body of water, compels him to commit a horrible watery suicide and then casually slithers out of his ass.
The Leocochloridium Paradoxum gets ingeste…