Slap, Hold, Wiggle, Drop

Your Sins are Killing Your Children

"Do you need a healing?" is what the highway sign I passed asked me. Below that was the name Thurman Scrivner and the dates that he would be in town. When I got home I looked up Mr. Scrivner and discovered that he was your run of the mill faith healer. His The Living Savior Ministries website is full of testimonials from those he has "healed". There is a man who had both his legs crushed and a young girl with a severe peanut allergy. But the big one is his granddaughter Katlynn whom I will tell you about later. If you have a lifetime of free time to waste, you could also listen to his over 400 sermons either through the website or by having free DVDs mailed to you. Now I've never been to a healing and so even though I wasn't really in need of one, I thought I would go check it out and see what actually happens at these things. Naturally, I pictured the afflicted people on the stage in a state of rapture having their demons cast out and throwing away their ...

Are You a Targeted Individual?

I shall dedicate my continuing pseudomedical Cracked series to my dear, sweet, sexy man. 5. QuWave Defender It's okay, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you. I'm here to help. I know you are a targeted individual suffering from electronic harassment, psychotronic, and psychic attacks. You are not alone. There is hope! For over 60 years targeted individuals (TIs) such as yourself have been trying to escape mind control torture. That's right...TORTURE! These mind control torturers use psychotronic weapons just to mess you up. These weapons are designed to leave you feeling stressed out, disoriented, drowsy, helpless, and paranoid. Yes, because THEY have nothing better to do with their time and money except to make you feel like shit. Celebrating 60 years of fucking with your mind The good folks at QuWave have the solution for you! The QuWave Defender uses BOTH scalar and Solfeggio energies to not only thwart those nasty psychic attackers but to also h...

All About Parasites

There are plenty of examples in the world that one could use as mighty fine reasons why intelligent design is a load of bunk. Your appendix, mosquitoes, Honey Boo Boo. Then there are parasites. I can't think of a good reason to create these paragons of ickiness except to give us just one more reason to look up gross things on the Internet to say ew about and make our skin crawl. There are some great ones in the animal kingdom that are just too bat shit crazy for words. An unsuspecting grasshopper could drink some bad water and get himself infected with a horsehair worm which will begin to busily grow inside him (up to a foot long!) until the worm decides he wants out. But he needs to live in water and since grasshoppers aren't fond of swimming the worm simply takes control of the grasshopper's brain, marches him to the nearest body of water, compels him to commit a horrible watery suicide and then casually slithers out of his ass. For real. Out of his ass. The Leococ...

Ramblings of an Armchair Skeptic

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