Skip to main content

E-mail proof that god is real

What are the three topics you are supposed to avoid discussing with folks you just met? Oh yeah, sex, politics and religion. Well, I’m about to throw one of those out the window, so if you are easily offended, I suggest that you stop reading now.

I recently received a couple of e-mails which I think are meant to scare me into believing in a god. I’m also quite certain that the senders of these e-mails see them in a completely different light than I do. The first one I deleted in disgust so I will try to remember as much as I can. This was a PowerPoint presentation that started with informing me that god takes care of us even when we don’t know it. It explained that some of the people who survived 9-11 did so because they were delayed that day for some mundane reason such as being stuck in traffic, stopping at a pharmacy for some band-aids, their kid forgot lunch for school, etc. I guess this is proof that god was looking out for these people. This makes me angry. How pretentious. That completely devalues the lives of those who did perish on that day. What makes the lives of the survivors any more special. To me it just shows all the more how random and unpredictable life is. The presentation then went on to show other ways that god looks out for us, I don’t remember all the examples but the one that made me livid went something like: “Did you ever see a coupon in the paper for something you’ve been wanting for a long time?” Well that is of course god’s way of helping me out. Really? So all the little children being used as sex slaves around the world don’t need any help but Tamara just has to have those shoes she’s been eyeing up!

The next e-mail warns that mocking god can lead to untimely death. Some examples used are John Lennon, Marilyn Munroe and "the guy who built the Titanic". (Yeah, apparently one guy built the whole thing himself??) So these people mocked god in one way or another and died before their time. So this god kills people for making simple statements such as John Lennon saying that the Beatles are more famous then Jesus (14 years later I might add) but is perfectly fine with letting rapists and murderers life long, happy lives? The Titanic example is just absurd. There is no name given for "the guy" who said that even god could not sink the Titanic so we don't know what happened to him but we do know what happened to the Titanic. A fellow JREF forumite put it well when he proposed this little prayer that "the guy" would perhaps offer after being proven wrong.

"Gee, God. You were right. You could sink the ship I build. How stupid of me to question your powers. Thank you for showing me the errors of my ways and killing a couple of thousand people in the process. Won't do it again, lest you give me lung cancer or wait another 14 years before sending a maniac to shoot me dead. Amen."

And I’m now supposed to worship this spiteful, petty bully? No thanks, you can have him. Oops, did I just say that out loud? I guess I'd better make sure my will is in order.

I’m quite certain that god doesn’t have internet either. Since his almightiness obviously hasn’t heard of The Blasphemy Challenge. If he did, the death rate would no doubt spike dramatically.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Your Sins are Killing Your Children

"Do you need a healing?" is what the highway sign I passed asked me. Below that was the name Thurman Scrivner and the dates that he would be in town. When I got home I looked up Mr. Scrivner and discovered that he was your run of the mill faith healer. His The Living Savior Ministries website is full of testimonials from those he has "healed". There is a man who had both his legs crushed and a young girl with a severe peanut allergy. But the big one is his granddaughter Katlynn whom I will tell you about later. If you have a lifetime of free time to waste, you could also listen to his over 400 sermons either through the website or by having free DVDs mailed to you. Now I've never been to a healing and so even though I wasn't really in need of one, I thought I would go check it out and see what actually happens at these things. Naturally, I pictured the afflicted people on the stage in a state of rapture having their demons cast out and throwing away their

Are You a Targeted Individual?

I shall dedicate my continuing pseudomedical Cracked series to my dear, sweet, sexy man.  5. QuWave Defender It's okay, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you. I'm here to help. I know you are a targeted individual suffering from electronic harassment, psychotronic, and psychic attacks. You are not alone. There is hope! For over 60 years targeted individuals (TIs) such as yourself have been trying to escape mind control torture. That's right...TORTURE! These mind control torturers use psychotronic weapons just to mess you up. These weapons are designed to leave you feeling stressed out, disoriented, drowsy, helpless, and paranoid. Yes, because THEY have nothing better to do with their time and money except to make you feel like shit. Celebrating 60 years of fucking with your mind The good folks at QuWave have the solution for you! The QuWave Defender uses BOTH scalar and Solfeggio energies to not only thwart those nasty psychic attackers but to also h

All About Parasites

There are plenty of examples in the world that one could use as mighty fine reasons why intelligent design is a load of bunk. Your appendix, mosquitoes, Honey Boo Boo. Then there are parasites. I can't think of a good reason to create these paragons of ickiness except to give us just one more reason to look up gross things on the Internet to say ew about and make our skin crawl. There are some great ones in the animal kingdom that are just too bat shit crazy for words. An unsuspecting grasshopper could drink some bad water and get himself infected with a horsehair worm which will begin to busily grow inside him (up to a foot long!) until the worm decides he wants out. But he needs to live in water and since grasshoppers aren't fond of swimming the worm simply takes control of the grasshopper's brain, marches him to the nearest body of water, compels him to commit a horrible watery suicide and then casually slithers out of his ass. For real. Out of his ass. The Leococ