Ramblings of an Armchair Skeptic

My upper back, neck, and shoulders have been a bundle of knots for as long as I can remember. I’ve learned to live with the constant dull ache. Lately they have been somewhat more tense and achy though. Probably from the lack of movement due to my unemployed, lazy ass firmly planted on the couch and binge watching Netflix. I decided I really need a massage. But the aforementioned unemployment doesn’t afford one’s life with such luxuries. So I turned to the god of online couponing that is Groupon. What’s this? A 60 minute Energetic Massage for only $38? Sign me up! Now the word energetic should have raised a red flag but I, apparently not in possession of all my skeptical faculties, took that word to mean the dictionary definition: adjective 1. possessing or exhibiting energy, especially in abundance; vigorous 2. powerful in action or effect; effective Exactly what I need. Someone full of vim and vigor to get right in there with gusto to grind those knots into oblivion. Shhh